So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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