I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
