Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
