she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
