So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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