omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
