Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
