I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i will never coherently bang her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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