I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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