Got a toothbrush?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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