We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm jealous of your bromance
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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