my soul wont recognize me after tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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