White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
