I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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