I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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