3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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