Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
