I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
