Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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