Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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