If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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