What did we do last night that was yellow?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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