The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
