you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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