He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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