it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
