please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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