It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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