More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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