But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
