i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
