Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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