I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
