we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
