Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
