I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
