Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
