I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
