I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
