marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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