come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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