i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk is not a location!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
