Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
