did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
