I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
false alarm, still single
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
