I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
