and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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