life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
