She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
