she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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